Aggression in children can be caused by anger, frustration, dissapointment, exhaustion, boredom, and even stress.

QUESTION: My three-year old son is not cognitively delayed at all. He seems bright, knows his alphabet, can count, and he does well in school. However, he has an aggression problem and we are considering placing him a special education school because of this behavioral concern. My question is should I keep him in a SpEd classroom when it’s time to go to kindergarten even if he passes the kindergarten assessments? How can I help him at home? I don’t want him to get behind in his cognitive skills by putting him in special education.

Techer Genevieve says: Each child is unique. It is this uniqueness that defines who he is, as he shines through his strengths and discovers ways to overcome his limitations.

You must be proud to be the parent of a bright child who at three, already knows his alphabet and numbers. However, he has an “aggression problem” that must be significant enough for you to consider placing him in a special school.

I would suggest though that before you consider which school would suit him best, to first seek for a comprehensive assessment from a child psychologist and/or a neurodevelopmental pediatrician in order to rule out a possible developmental condition. If upon evaluation, he is found to be at-risk for a developmental disorder, then early intervention should begin immediately to prevent or minimize the implications of such condition.

However, if the evaluation reveals that his present skills and behaviors are still developmentally-appropriate, meaning they are still within what is normally expected for a typical three-year-old, then it may just necessitate some deliberate changes in his present routines and activities and the way his behavior is managed, as well as a deeper understanding of his personality and temperament, in order to address his tendency to be aggressive towards others.

UNDERSTANDING AND DEALING WITH THE AGGRESSIVE TODDLER

Aggression in children can be due to many reasons. Your son may be angry, frustrated, disappointed, moody, tired, bored, cranky, stressed (yes, kids get stressed too!), seeking for attention, copying what he has seen on TV, or a host of other reasons that lend to his inability to control himself from being aggressive. Whatever the reason, one thing is for sure — he has poor impulse control.

Three-year-olds are not expected to have perfect impulse control. In toddler programs, it is not unusual to find a child crying because another child grabbed her toy, or an occasional supposedly playful jab from a boy who only then realized that a punch on the head could hurt. Nevertheless, if your son is consistently aggressive in spite of being corrected over and over again even if clear boundaries are set for appropriate behavior, then this would warrant a referral to a specialist who would be able to determine the cause of your son’s aggression and recommend possible options for intervention.

As a parent, it is important to take note of the possible triggers to his aggressive behavior. Is there a specific person or situation that consistently brings out this challenging behavior, or is aggression consistently displayed even without a trigger? If a triggering factor has been identified, then the best way to manage his aggression is to avoid exposing him to the triggering situation if it can be anticipated. For instance, if your son has a tendency to hit when another child attempts to get the toy that he is playing with, be alert when another child approaches your son during play. Give the approaching child another toy to play with or encourage your son to share even before the other child reaches him so as not to catch him off-guard.

TECHNIQUES

A helpful technique for managing impulsivity in children is to prepare them for particular situations even before they have happened. If you know your child would most likely kick any child who invades his personal space, remind him to keep his legs down when another child goes near him and asks him to play.

Often, parents tell their children what “not to do” but fail to tell them “what to do,” presuming that the child already knows what he should do given a particular situation.

In the example I gave, instead of telling the child “Do not kick!,” the parent said “Keep your legs down.”

This is a more direct way of teaching proper behavior to children and hopefully developing self-regulation.

Your response after your son demonstrated aggressive behavior would most likely determine whether or not such behavior would be repeated in the future.

From a behaviorist perspective, if the behavior was reinforced because by being aggressive, your son got what he wanted without any repercussions, then this behavior most probably would be repeated.

On the other hand, if he received a natural consequence such as withdrawal of a privilege (e.g. reduced play time) or not being given what he was asking for if this was not expressed politely, then the possibility of the behavior being repeated would be lessened.

Try not to be a reactive parent by resorting to spanking (which can be a form of aggression if uncontrolled and becomes an expression of the parent’s anger and frustration), yelling or other impulsive reactions that you wouldn’t want your son to model after.

Difficult as it may be, remain calm and objective. Be pro-active by taking deliberate measures to promote positive behavior such as reading to him social stories about making friends and sharing toys, exposing him to play opportunities wherein he can practice social skills instead of watching TV, and limiting his exposure to TV, videos and computer games which contain violent scenes. Being proactive will result to long-term positive behavioral changes rather than reactive parenting.

THE LINK BETWEEN BEHAVIOR AND LEARNING

Research would show that aggressive behavior even in toddlers may continue into adulthood if early intervention is not given. This can lead to a lifetime of frustration and disappointment, since the child’s psychosocial development is of utmost importance throughout his school-years, more so in the real world where he would be expected to relate healthily with others.

Behavioral problems in school would definitely have a strong impact on learning.

Poor impulse control can result to difficulty completing academic tasks, sustaining interest in learning, dealing with unexpected disappointments, and interpersonal problems both with teachers and peers. Children with behavioral issues are at-risk for school failure, not because they are not smart, but because they lack the capacity to emotionally deal with the challenges of schooling.

At this point, it is not an issue of whether he should go to a regular school or a special school. The issue is whether or not the school that he would go to would be able to address his “aggression problem” together with your family. Being a bright child, he would perform well academically wherever school you decide to enroll him in. The most important matter as of now is understanding your son’s behavior and finding ways to help him deal positively with others.

The author is the executive director of ALRES-PHILS. and the chairperson of the SPED Department of Miriam College. A pediatric physiotherapist and special educator, she is currently pursuing her doctorate studies majoring in Special Education at U.P. Diliman. She is a staunch advocate for children with special needs. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask our SPED specialists. Just send your queries to youth@mb.com.ph