PREPARATION IS THE KEY. By telling your child what to anticipate and asking her how she should behave, parents can expect the best behavior from children with ADHD.

QUESTION: “My 10-year-old child was diagnosed with ADHD and is now enrolled in a regular school. With the coming season, there are so many activities in and outside the school that we need to attend. When she’s stressed out, she gets more makulit and malikot which gives me really a hard time. Her teachers also complain about her negative behaviors in school. Is there something I can do to minimize these or is there a need for me to transfer her to a special or progressive school already where the environment is much more understanding? Thanks.”

Teacher Genevieve says:

As Christmas nears, everyone gets caught up in the frantic pace of the season. Our schedules get disrupted and as parents’ stress levels soar to new heights, they tend to have less energy left to deal with their children’s difficult behaviors.

The same is true for teachers who are also busy with Christmas preparations.

Inevitably, adults tend to ease up on consequences for broken rules and allow lapses in consistently carrying out behavior management strategies.

As a result, children can take advantage of this busy time to test the limits as boundaries for proper behavior become hazy and rules are conveniently bent to accommodate the Christmas rush.

Children with AD/HD rely on structure and consistency to be able to regulate their behaviors. At 10 years old, your child should be able to demonstrate some degree of control over her hyperactivity and impulsivity, given the proper guidance and support. She would also be taking cues from you being the significant adult in her life and would need constant monitoring with regards to how well she is able to regulate her emotions and behaviors.

However, your role would be more of a “coach” or a “mentor” rather than a “policeman” who is constantly on the watch for misbehavior. Being her coach or mentor would entail pro-active parenting which is based on understanding your child and creating the necessary conditions to be able to bring out the best in her.

HOW TO BE A PROACTIVE PARENT

Some of the practical ways by which you could be a pro-active parent to a child with AD/HD are the following:

Identify the top three behaviors which most concern you and with your child, come up with three simple rules to follow. She will OWN the RULES if she participated in making the rules instead of shoving them down her throat. Since children with ADHD are very visual, make her write down these rules on a sheet of paper and hang it in a visible part of her room as a reminder for her to follow. You can also make her sign a Behavioral Contract between the two of you.

Regardless of the changes in schedules and routines with the Christmas break just around the corner, the rules are EXPECTED to be followed, with incentives and consequences meted out accordingly. Being in a public place should not be an excuse for bending the rules. She should be made to understand that her behaviors affect others. In concrete terms, teach her ACCOUNTABILITY. CONSISSISSISTENCY is the key to effective behavioral change.

If you are going to be in an unfamiliar situation (for example, you are attending a company Christmas party with her), PREPARE your child by telling her what to anticipate and asking her how she should behave. We can expect the best behavior from children with AD/HD if they could anticipate what is going to happen and are guided in remembering appropriate rules of behavior.

Delegate RESPONSISIBILITIES to your child. Simple tasks such as writing the names on the tags of your gifts, putting the ribbons, or helping distribute your gifts could re-direct her hyperactivity to productivity. Be generous with praise! This would make her feel good about herself and give her a sense of pride and accomplishment. Hopefully, this would encourage her to always put her best foot forward.

Collaborate with your child’s teachers so that her behavior can likewise be monitored in school.

HOME-SCHOOL COLLABORATION

is the only way by which behavioral change can be generalized to different settings and would prove to be lasting. Make your child’s teacher your ally so together, you can provide your child with the environment she needs both at home and in school to establish positive behaviors and discard negative ones.

BUILDING CHANGE FROM WITHIN

As the child with ADHD matures, at different developmental stages, she would be faced with different challenges, many of which parents have little control over.

For instance, these can come in the form of peers who would tend to ostracize her for being quite different, or teachers who lack the sensitivity and patience to deal with her uniqueness as a student. The best way to prepare her is to equip her with the capacity to deal with challenging situations by helping her think before she acts (self-regulation) and building her self-esteem.

Transferring her to another school at this time may not be in her best interest.

If she has not learned to control her behaviors both at home and in her present school, changing the setting may simply serve as a temporary solution or a distraction from the problem at-hand.

Relying on the understanding of others as you presume you would receive if you transfer her to a special or progressive school is not guaranteed. A more tolerant and understanding environment is only a part of the complex equation for managing children with ADHD. What is needed is to build emotional and social competencies from within the child. This is where change should begin.

ADHD is a lifelong condition, but from my point of view, one that is an advantage to the person rather than a liability. Many children with AD/HD are gifted with innate strengths unique to them such as being able to multi-task, lead passionately, and display creativity that makes them a joy to teach.

There is never a dull day with a child with ADHD around. It just depends on the kind of spectacles you wear, whether you are a parent or a teacher, if you want to see the good and the beautiful in children with ADHD.